Progress Not Perfection

Hey guys!

I wanted to write for Amanda’s Thinking out Loud linkup since it is Thursday, but rather than a lot of random thoughts like I normally do, I only have one main one.  It is a topic that I have brought up a number of times before on here, but it’s something that I continually struggle with.  As time goes on I get more comfortable with the idea, but I have learned that life is an ebb and flow and while I may grasp and accept an idea one day, the next I may be struggling with it.

I am a serious perfectionist.  Throughout my life this trait has served as an asset: successful in school, work, etc.  Where it gets me into trouble is in accepting that I am a human being who makes mistakes.

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I had a bit of a freak out last week before my birthday.  I started judging myself for all the things that I need to get done this year that aren’t done yet, questioning my career path and whether I should go back to school, my timeline for having kids, etc. All at once I decided that I had made all sorts of mistakes in life and that because of those I was some kind of failure.  I had lost faith that everything I have gone through has happened for a reason and that everything will work out just the way it is supposed to for me.

I have an easier time these days forgiving myself for small mistakes like forgetting to pick something up at the store, but if I were to make a larger mistake, I would very quickly pick up the proverbial bat and have a good swing session with myself.  I want to be able to accept myself as a flawed human being as we all are, but it is difficult.

I used to not like learning things from other people because I felt like it exposed the fact that I didn’t know everything.  I would practice sports by myself until I felt like I was good at them because I didn’t want anyone seeing me in my learning stage.  I didn’t want them to see me make mistakes.  Trying to be perfect also means that I have a difficult time admitting when I am wrong.  I will try to justify and rationalize my words or actions to avoid the acknowledgement that I may not know everything.  Let’s just say it’s made for some drawn out arguments.

The more I demand perfection of myself, the more that I demand it from others and I lose compassion and empathy.  It is unfair to both parties and it takes me away from developing and nurturing successful relationships.  I find when I am more forgiving with myself, I am more forgiving and understanding of others and don’t set incredibly lofty standards that are often impossibly out of reach.

When I live in my perfectionism, I am not living in today.  I am not enjoying the moment because I am obsessing about whether I said the right thing, did the right thing, etc.  All we really have is today, so for this day I will stop setting unrealistic expectations of myself.  I will miss too much of life if I wait to be perfect.

Question of the day: Do you have problems with perfectionism? How do you deal with it?

 

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7 Comments

  1. July 24, 2014 / 6:25 pm

    I have a serious problem with perfection. It’s so bad I’ve noticed I don’t even want to try things that I’m going to fail at, like swimming. It becomes a very stressful anxiety driven situation. But I know some of my greatest achievements have come out of failures and it’s all a learning lesson. Learning how to live with my imperfections is really something I’m trying work on also. Great post!

    • July 25, 2014 / 6:38 pm

      Well keep up the good work. From what I can see you’re doing a pretty good job!

  2. July 25, 2014 / 11:31 am

    I used to have severe issues with perfectionism and it made me socially anxious so it really hindered my ability to make connections as a child. Now as an adult I have keen awareness that mistakes are a part of life and that making mistakes is necessary – so I allow myself to make mistakes and when I do, forgive myself and move on because there’s no need to hang on to things that at the end of the day won’t kill you or others. If I make a fib on my network it’s fine – no one is going to die I’ll just have to fix it 😛 Anxiety is a daily battle but you learn to manage it one day at a time. Happy Belated Birthday!! You don’t live that far we should do coffee or something. Take Care Erin -iva

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