How To Live an Authentic and Transparent Life

Learning to live an authentic and transparent life has been one of the most important things in my recovery and in becoming a better person. See the difference between the two and how to achieve them!

My presentation in Nashville focused on the importance of authenticity and transparency in growing your brand and your audience. For simplicity’s sake, authenticity refers to the “what” that you share. Transparency is the “how much.” Different relationships and audiences require different levels of transparency, since putting EVERYTHING on the table may not always be appropriate.

For example, the post I wrote about my marriage last year took both of these things into account. The facts of the matter were the authenticity part, but because that story involved Neil, I needed to check with him about how much I could share. It wasn’t only my story, it was also his, and I needed to respect that he may not want as much detail as I could have provided.

Learning to live an authentic and transparent life is not always easy. When I entered recovery, I realized that to change the person I was and break my destructive patterns, I needed to do a complete 180 and live the opposite of how I was living at the time. This meant I could no longer lie or manipulate others.

Living openly and honestly has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. Everything is on the table and I don’t have to worry about what lie I told one person so that I can make sure my stories line up when talking to someone else. What you see is what you get. It’s a freeing experience and one that I think is crucial to building lasting relationships and living with integrity.

Although my presentation focused on the blog world, I wanted to generalize this post and make it applicable in daily life. I’ve found these four things to be super important in living an authentic and transparent life.

1. Define your core values and beliefs

Basically, figure out who you are as a person. Figure out what you like, what you don’t like, what your goals are, what you stand for, etc.  Also remember that people do have the ability to change, so some of these things may shift over time. For the most part, however, your core values and beliefs will remain the same.

Some people get this right of the break and some people are like me and take 30 years to figure out how they actually feel about things. When I was more running-focused, for example, I talked about the possibility of running a marathon at some point until I realized that I really just don’t want to. I felt much more at ease and confident in sticking to that decision.

2. Stay consistent 

After you figure out all of these things, you need to stick to them. Wavering back and forth on subjects will give the impression that you are unsure and it can be confusing to people close to you.

As an example, I was recently contacted by a whiskey company who offered me a free bottle of their product in exchange for my promotion on Instagram. Let’s not even talk about the epic fail during the vetting process considering that I list “recovering addict” as the first descriptor on my accounts. Anyway, since I don’t drink and pretty much everyone in my life knows I don’t drink, if I had accepted a bottle of whiskey (where was this when I was drinking??), people would start to see me as unreliable and be confused about my actions and motivations.

3. Follow through on promises

If you tell someone that you are going to call them or hang out or any other type of commitment, make sure that you follow through on that promise. If you can’t do something, be as honest as possible instead of making up a lie or an excuse. The more flaky you are, the less people will respect you and again, that trust will start to chip away.

4. Share the negatives

There’s nothing like vulnerability. It’s extremely powerful and extremely scary at the same time. Sharing the good AND the bad helps people relate in, build trust, and sometimes open up in kind. Admit your mistakes or areas where you could improve, which also helps show a level of maturity.

People know that there is no perfect life, so by avoiding sharing the mistakes and struggles, you’re actually patronizing others around you. The more that you hold onto these things, the harder it will be to move past them and the harder it will get to reach out even if you want to.

Questions:

  • Are you authentic and transparent?
  • Do you have any other ideas on how to achieve these?
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20 Comments

  1. May 18, 2016 / 5:45 am

    I’d like to think that I am authentic and transparent. I never really hide things from people unless I am also unknowingly hiding them from myself, and then I can’t really help that, you know? I would just rather explain my truth than have people get half the story. That said, I don’t try to push my truth on people, either. I’ll offer it, but if they don’t want it, they don’t have to have it.
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…What To Do Between Training CyclesMy Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 18, 2016 / 8:26 pm

      Yeah girl I feel you on that.

  2. May 18, 2016 / 5:46 am

    Older I get and the more work I do with children – – and attempt to raise my own 🙂 – – I see how important consistency is. When we are consistent we are indeed authentic. xo
    Carla recently posted…The secret to my success.My Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 18, 2016 / 8:26 pm

      Absolutely. Thanks so much for reading Carla!

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 18, 2016 / 8:27 pm

      Right?? It’s so important to know that we are not alone and can find ways to relate to others!

  3. May 18, 2016 / 8:31 am

    I think the most important way is to be completely honest with yourself and others. It builds trust, and it helps you listen to your gut. Pretty much every thing will follow after. Plus, the more open you are to other people, chances are that they’re going to be more open with you.
    Meagan @ Okay Now Breathe recently posted…10 Weird Ways to Help Fight Your DepressionMy Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 18, 2016 / 8:28 pm

      Totally. Sounds like you have an awesome handle on this Meagan!!

  4. Mudita
    May 18, 2016 / 8:59 am

    Well written and so important.

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 18, 2016 / 8:28 pm

      Aw thank you! 🙂

  5. May 18, 2016 / 10:46 am

    Love it, Erin. Especially #4.
    I think what’s difficult for me is that I have this unfortunate need to question everything I do/create/say/etc. I guess it’s a lack of confidence, but on the other hand, I’m pretty firm in my true convictions and I’m straightforward/honest to a fault. Does that even make sense or did I just contradict myself?
    Catherine @ foodiecology recently posted…Currently // May 2016My Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 18, 2016 / 8:31 pm

      I think it makes sense haha.

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 18, 2016 / 8:32 pm

      I can totally relate to that. I’ve gotten better about it but sometimes it comes up again when I’m least expecting it!

  6. May 18, 2016 / 2:01 pm

    I would say I’m authentic and transparent. I’m definitely more so than I used to be, but I think that makes sense. The older you get (and yes, I sound ridiculous saying that at 20, but bear with me), the more comfortable you get with yourself. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the less you feel the need to hide who you are.
    Ellen @ My Uncommon Everyday recently posted…How to Be Successful (and Still Sleep)My Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 18, 2016 / 8:33 pm

      Absolutely! Ha you’re allowed to say that at 20. It’s actually a very mature insight to have 🙂

  7. May 18, 2016 / 2:51 pm

    Great post! I have learned that following through is very important. I just recently had to kick myself in the butt about a commitment I was about to back out of.
    Ivanna recently posted…What I Learned From 12 Weeks of BBGMy Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 18, 2016 / 8:34 pm

      Yaaaaay adulting!

  8. May 20, 2016 / 7:08 pm

    I love that you said share your negatives. So true! we are human and all need to be real and vulnerable in order to support. I try. xxoo

    • erinsinsidejob
      May 23, 2016 / 3:42 pm

      Totally. You’re doing a pretty good job of it!

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