Let’s Learn To Speak Beautiful

This is a sponsored post on behalf of Dove’s #SpeakBeautiful campaign. All anecdotes and opinions are my own.

*Warning — this post contains descriptions of disordered eating and other behaviors that may be triggering to some people. Just a heads up!

Almost a year ago, I wrote a post on here advocating for users to take responsibility for how certain social media accounts made them feel: if you’re not getting anything positive out of them, simply unfollow. I still agree that as adults, this is the way we should handle our responses to others’ social media profiles. But when it comes to the younger generation’s ability to “simply unfollow,” I may have been shortsighted.

When comments on that previous post pointed out the impressionable nature of young girls, my initial thought was that the responsibility then lies with parents to teach them a healthy self-image and confidence. While I still agree that this is part of the solution, I also feel that it’s shortsighted as well. There was no social media when I was growing up. The internet was just becoming “a thing” as I was becoming a teenager, and I wasn’t constantly inundated with pictures of models, glimpses into celebrity’s personal lives, or just everyday images of peers who I admired.

Parents can’t be everywhere. They can’t be there when you’re with a friend at the pool and the girl who has been bullying you shows up, forcing you to cry under water so that she can’t see you. They can’t be there when you’re at a party and a friend discovers you stuff your bra because you feel inadequate about your body. Even when parents do all they can to instill healthy self-confidence, their children are still individuals capable of their own thoughts and feelings.

As I shared on here, I recently visited the home where I grew up for the first time in about four years. I spent time going through my bedroom, laughing at the magazine cutouts of boys on the back of my door and stumbling across old diaries that I kept during middle and high school. In going through those diaries, I saw how impressionable I was and how much importance I placed on my outward appearance. Everything was about boys. Everything was about fitting in. And everything else in my life was ruined if I wasn’t in control of those two things.

This was all in a time without social media.

Diary

I suffered from a poor self-image as early as middle school, which I saw reflected in those diary pages. This continued until I was almost 30 years old, and it’s something that I constantly battle because it was so ingrained in me for many years. I used to work tirelessly to look a certain way, act a certain way, and be what I felt other people wanted me to be.

In my mind, happiness was equated with how I looked. I assumed every celebrity I revered was happy, content, and successful, and so if I strived to meet that (impossible) standard, I could be those things as well. I invested in makeup, hair products, tanning salons, tanning lotions, and clothes that were in style. I went through periods where I exercised obsessively, chased diet pills with energy drinks, restricted the foods I ate, and threw up my food a handful of times over the years.

This blog was born of an understanding that no matter how good you look on the inside, true wellness and happiness come from the inside. When I was my thinnest, I was also my most unhappy. I still didn’t look how I wanted. My mind was occupied with everything I wasn’t and what I could do to *maybe* get a little closer. I wasn’t living and I certainly wasn’t loving myself.

A lot of this played into my addiction and even continued after I got clean. I needed help from friends, from therapists, and especially from myself to try and reverse everything that I once believed.

So the pictures of celebrities and models came down. The gossip websites and magazines were added to my “STAY AWAY” list. The Victoria’s Secret fashion show no longer appeared on my calendar.

The affirmations slowly started. The phrases “I am enough” and “progress not perfection” became part of my vocabulary. Food became a friend instead of a foe, and exercise was no longer a punishment for the body I was born with. As I became more involved with this blog and the world of social media, I learned how certain images and accounts made me feel, and immediately unfollowed any that I felt were intended to make me feel poorly about myself.

This took me approximately 20 years. 20 years.

Because I can empathize so easily with self-bullying, low self-esteem, and body-shaming, it was no question that I wanted to share Dove’s #SpeakBeautiful campaign and my own experiences growing up.

DoveMB-SelfEsteem-72Percent_f

This week, Dove is introducing their #SpeakBeautiful Squad: a group of young women in media who are banding together to help young girls cope with the sort of troubles that affect them in this new and evolving social media landscape. Each member of the squad will provide resources, best practices, and personal tips to address online barriers to a girl’s self-esteem, including: how to spot cyberbullying, how to form friendship circles online and in real life for self-protection, as well as how to navigate negative commentary about beauty and body image. AH I LOVE IT. 🙂

According to Dove, 72% of girls encounter negative beauty posts, comments, snaps, videos or photos that can be damaging to their self-esteem on a weekly basis. Girls want social media to be a positive platform for inspiration and positivity rather than negativity and defeat (don’t we all!).

Dove is encouraging everyone to #SpeakBeautiful online and transform social media into a place where girls feel supported and empowered. Starting on October 20th, you can visit Dove on Twitter to receive advice and exercises from the #SpeakBeautiful Squad on how to navigate the negativity on social media. Squad members include:

While the campaign is aimed at younger girls, I know that I still suffer at times from periods of self-doubt. It’s important to me to understand how to help those younger than me grow into strong, confident women, so I’m happy to learn as much as I can. I love the spirit of this campaign, and if you have any personal stories or anecdotes about similar periods in your life, feel free to share them with these girls using the hashtag #SpeakBeautiful. Anything from advice to inspiration to a funny story can help. Maybe I’ll also tell one about this sweet outfit.

IMG_3630

Life is always a process. There’s ups and downs and it’s how we learn to handle those tough times that makes us who we are. So much love to everyone today — this post got me feeling all kinds of motherly. HA. 🙂

Thanks to Amanda for letting me think out loud.

Questions:

  • How do you combat negativity on social media?
  • What helped you develop your sense of self-esteem?
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18 Comments

  1. October 20, 2016 / 5:37 am

    Yesterday, during my coaching meeting, one of the other coaches mentioned that one of her clients was get harassed and bullied for her marathon time (she finished around the 6 hour mark at Chicago). ON THE COMPANY SERVER. That just infuriated me beyond belief. Here is an example of a woman, who worked so hard for her goal, once again getting villified for doing something to an arbitrary standard (that the others would never dream of doing). Just infuriating. And, of course, now she is incredibly self conscious and feeling poorly about an accomplishment that just a week before had her on cloud nine.
    It just broke my heart.
    Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Getting my “Payback” (Parenting Ridley)My Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      October 26, 2016 / 8:46 am

      That’s so awful. I hate when people do that 🙁

  2. October 20, 2016 / 6:10 am

    I really believe how you feel about your body when you are young shapes your behavior and beliefs. Social media has put so much more pressure on young people. It’s actually one of the reasons why I stopped posting gym selfies and my workouts because I received too many comments from women that were unhealthy and concerning. Thanks for talking about such an important topic!
    Megan @ Skinny Fitalicious recently posted…Taking A Break From The Gym Without Going CrazyMy Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      October 26, 2016 / 8:46 am

      That’s frustrating! It’s all about how you interpret those images and if you’re still impressionable it can be a dangerous world!

  3. October 20, 2016 / 7:09 am

    I majorly struggled with self-esteem as early as 5th grade and it totally shaped my struggles that I still face off and on today! I was slightly overweight and really tall for my age at that time, and I felt really self-conscious! Not to mention other kids made fun of me and it was terrible.
    I hope to teach my own kids someday to love themselves at a young age so that they have a good foundation. Great post!
    Heather @ Polyglot Jot recently posted…1 Year BlogiversaryMy Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      October 26, 2016 / 8:47 am

      I know – I can’t wait to be able to help my children develop healthy senses of self!

  4. October 20, 2016 / 8:11 am

    how I love this campaign! Where was this when we were in middle school, right? Talking beauty and love and slef respect and encouragement. YES! we must shift focus toward speaking beautiful

    • erinsinsidejob
      October 26, 2016 / 8:48 am

      I know right?!

  5. October 27, 2016 / 10:01 am

    Okay can I just say how cute you are in that photo?!
    Bringing up the topic of the internet/social media and how it can affect our body image is HUGE, and so necessary. It’s crazy how long it can take us to learn about our tendencies and LOVE ourselves (and even then, are we truly 100% “there”?!). On-going process, for sure 🙂
    Jess @hellotofit recently posted…Gluten Free Double Chocolate MuffinsMy Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      October 28, 2016 / 10:15 am

      Haha baby Erin.

    • erinsinsidejob
      October 28, 2016 / 10:20 am

      Haha omg right? In the other picture I have I also have a sweet flower leotard on

    • erinsinsidejob
      October 29, 2016 / 8:40 am

      It’s so important to start early with self confidence! Thanks so much for reading marielle!

  6. October 30, 2016 / 2:25 am

    Thank you for sharing I could not agree more! As a mommy with three girls I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate this campaign. Dove is such an awesome brand and they always put so much into self-esteem! It took me a VERY long time to love myself and I put a lot into helping my girls love who they are. It’s hard being a young girl in the world!
    Jenn Worden recently posted…Reasons to Encourage Children to Play With DollsMy Profile

    • erinsinsidejob
      October 31, 2016 / 11:08 am

      I know! I hope to one day be able to instill confidence in my children (when I have them). It’s tough!

  7. Kelly Poteet
    October 31, 2016 / 7:20 pm

    Erin–love this campaign! So glad I read this so that I can share it with others. We have a few groups at school SLOWLY forming to address these issues. Self-esteem is such a huge issue, and it transfers over to so many other decisions that effect them for the rest of their life. I like how you make the point that you’ve been struggling with this for 20 years. Most people, I believe, do have to work at this daily to eliminate limiting beliefs. I’m one of those people, too. But I have to say that after having my children I saw things much differently! I learned to appreciate my body :). I couldn’t help but think of you as a student while reading this–and can you believe that I distinctly remember you getting one of your school pictures back–soccer I think–and making a comment like “ew, I’m fat.” I remember this because I was shocked to hear that you could possibly feel that way or would even say such a thing! You were tiny–but strong and athletic… you were probably 14.

    • erinsinsidejob
      November 2, 2016 / 8:55 pm

      I know exactly what picture you’re talking about. It was a weird angle up my shorts and I thought it made my legs look huge. Ugh I was so small! Can’t believe you remember that!

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