I Want It Now!
My personality sometimes makes it hard for me to accept things as they come. When I want something, I want it right now. My mom always said it was so hard to buy me presents for my birthday and Christmas because if I ever wanted something, I immediately bought it.
This also goes for things that are not material. When I started exercising, I wanted to have a perfectly fit body immediately. This did not help my obsession with body image as I would get up every morning and examine myself in the mirror to see if I had magically become the most toned, least body fat percentage person possible. When I wasn’t, I would start increasing the exercise and decreasing the food. No matter what I would do, I would always be disappointed.
When I started a new job I wanted to be the most important person there. Don’t they know who I am?? I could never be satisfied with where I was at any given moment. When I started this blog, I did it primarily for myself, but then the impatience started to creep in. I wanted to be the most followed blogger of ALL TIME. I needed everyone to read what I wrote as soon as I wrote it.
I have a hard time staying in the moment and being grateful for the things that I do have. I find myself looking for something more or something better. I lose track of the now and throw myself into the future which makes me feel stressed and anxious. One of the many important things I have learned is that I am able to feel more peaceful when I live in today and am able to reflect on how much my life has changed for the better.
I tend to have a lot of patience with others. I don’t do this perfectly, but I try. I have the least amount of patience with myself. I use the word “should” when the word “could” is much more appropriate. By saying that I “should” be doing something, I give myself the opportunity to berate myself if I don’t do it. “Should” also takes into account the perspectives of other people, which I may or may not share. When I lost my pharmacy career and eventually found a job as a receptionist, I couldn’t be happy with where I was because I felt like I “should” be doing something more with my life given my education.
Exchanging the word “could” for “should” opened a lot of doors for me. It allowed me to realize that I had a choice about things and to examine my own ideas and wants about life. Saying that I “could” removed a lot of guilt associated with not doing something. Here are some examples:
The list goes on and on. “Should” didn’t allow me to make mistakes. “Could” allowed me to understand that I was human.
I am my harshest critic. I know I am not unique and I am not the only one this applies to. I challenge everyone to just pause and appreciate where you are today without any expectations. Be patient with yourself. You are right where you are supposed to be.